The Hockey Player, Part II

A few entries ago, I questioned my relationship with The Hockey Player. I wondered if it would be wrong to ask where we were headed.

Being abroad for the summer has been difficult since I decided to take a break from hooking up while out here.  I have needs, and wants but I thought this would be a good challenge since I haven’t had the best year in terms of FWB’s.

Recently the Hockey Player messaged me on Facebook because he was feeling a little horny.  But like in the before entry, his insecurities were brought up again.  He complained about his size and wanting to be bigger.  Really? In the middle of sexy talk, he says stuff like that…what girl wouldn’t be turned off.  I basically reached my limit.  I told him I wasn’t sure I could continue our “friendship” with him being like that.  I also brought up other issues…the fact we’d been together for two years, and it never moved outside of the bedroom, and also that for 2 years, I feel like he’s kept up a wall against me from getting to really know him.  I told him at first I didn’t mind, because I didn’t think it we would’ve lasted this long…..but considering that it has..I’m starting to question if it should be more.

I told him how I keep hoping things would get better, but they don’t seem to be, and that ..he should find himself so lucky that I put up with his BS when I do know a few other men that would gladly take his place and make sure I’m not under appreciated like I am right now with him.

He apologized and said he was done running from life, that he was sorry for shutting me out, but he’d been hurt so many times that it’s difficult for him. He asked for another chance for him to prove that he could change and be more open to me.  He kept saying all the things he wanted to do to prove it to me.

I basically left it at this, “I’ll believe it when I see it.”

It’s boiled down to this.  If these were mere empty promises again, I have no choice but to leave. I’ve realized he’s pretty good at manipulating his words and the situation…I can’t fall victim to this anymore. I can’t keep holding on to something that’s not there. I shouldn’t settle for this.